Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
