WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
