my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
