I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
