Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
