OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
