I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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