So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
