based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
