u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
