dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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