I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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