I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
