the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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