i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
