"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
