this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
