I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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