From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
