So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
