I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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