If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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