love makes seman taste better
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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