I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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