you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
