I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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