What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
