Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
