So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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