I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
