Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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