ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
