I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
