A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
