Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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