2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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