i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
