put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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