my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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