You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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