Your dad touched me again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
