scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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