Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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