i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
