Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
