and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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