I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
