Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
