Need sex. Gaining weight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
