apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
