he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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