dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
