I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
