from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well I just put wine in my tea
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
